When Constellations Form (Light in the Dark Book 4) Read online

  Here we are, having just found out we’re going to be parents, and we both clearly refuse to grow up.

  But I think it’s that quality that’ll make us amazing parents. I just have to get Thea to see it.

  This isn’t a bad thing.

  Not by a long shot.

  “You can let go now.” But even as I say it, she’s winding her legs around my waist from behind.

  “You pulled my hair,” she says in my ear.

  “It was an accident.”

  She reaches up and tugs on my hair playfully—it doesn’t hurt at all.

  “Now we’re even.” She finally lets me go and drops down onto the floor.

  I turn around and find her smiling, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. I know she’s scared, and worried, and a million other things right now, but I want nothing more than to make her feel better.

  And I know just how to do it.

  I sweep her legs out from under her and she screams in surprise.

  “What are you doing?” she asks, her arms going around my neck.

  “We’re having a lazy day,” I declare.

  “But we have to finish unpacking.” She looks to the stairs, where most of the mess is in our room.

  She has a lot of clothes.

  “It’ll wait,” I say lightly.

  I carry her back through the kitchen and into the open family room. I don’t sit her down until we reach the leather sectional couch. We only have one blanket for now, and I grab it from the back of the couch and drape it over her.

  The box of DVDs hasn’t been unpacked, but there’s only one box and not that many in it so it doesn’t take me long to find the movie I’m looking for.

  “Want me to make popcorn?” I ask her as I kneel on the floor to put the DVD into the player.

  She gags. “Um, no. I don’t think my stomach can handle that.”

  “Fair enough.”

  I start the movie and join her on the couch. She snuggles against me, and I smile. I don’t think she even realizes that she’s done it and I love that.

  The opening credits for Jaws starts and Thea smiles up at me.

  It seemed appropriate to me, on a day when our lives are changing forever we should watch Jaws. After all, it also marks the moment I knew I loved Thea, and that too was a pretty big deal to me.

  “I love you,” I murmur, brushing my lips over her forehead.

  Sometimes I love you doesn’t feel big enough to encompass what I feel for her.

  She’s everything to me.

  The sun and the moon and the stars. She’s it all.

  She smiles too, and this time it’s genuine. “I love you too.”

  She turns back to the movie, wiggling against me, and I rest my head on hers.

  We’re having a baby.

  It’s a shock, that’s for sure, but this isn’t the end of the world like she thinks it is. Somehow, I’ll get her to see that.

  Thea

  “Stop fidgeting.”

  Xander grabs my restless hands and holds them between his to stop me from tapping my fingers against the wood arm of the chair.

  I glare up at him. “I’m nervous,” I defend my actions. “I need a distraction.”

  His lips quirk up. “I’m great at distractions.”

  I narrow my eyes. “Like what?”

  He grabs my face between his hands and presses his lips to mine in a forceful kiss before I can even blink. At first, my body wants to melt beneath him, but two seconds later it registers where we are and I push him away.

  “Xander,” I scold under my breath, “we’re in the doctor’s office.” I look around at the other expectant mothers and few fathers. Thankfully, they’re all absorbed in their own conversations and not paying us any mind. “I can’t believe you did that,” I hiss, my cheeks heated with embarrassment.

  Normally, making out with my husband would be a great thing, and usually lead to other, more fun activities, but now isn’t the time or place.

  “Just trying to distract you and it worked.” He smirks at me, entirely too pleased with himself.

  I raise a finger in warning, scolding him like an unruly child. “Xander Kincaid, wipe that smirk off your face or I’ll enjoy shoving my heel up your ass.” I point my extended finger at the four-inch heels I wear—it could be worse, they could be six inches.

  He shakes with laughter, clearly not afraid of me.

  I guess if I was a giant Viking I wouldn’t be afraid of me either.

  “Thea Kincaid?” they call out.

  I stand. “That’s me,” I say unnecessarily to the nurse holding my chart.

  Xander stands and follows me.

  “How are you feeling, Mrs. Kincaid?” she asks, leading us down the hall.

  I gag. “Call me Thea, please.” I don’t know why but I always hate the sound of Mrs. Kincaid. Don’t get me wrong, I love being married—most of the time—but Mrs. Kincaid sounds so stuffy and formal, which is not me at all. “And a little nausea but other than that, I’m okay.”

  She leads us into an exam room. “You can sit there.” She points Xander to a chair. “And you—” she turns to me “—can pee in this.” She hands me a little cup with a green cap. “There’s a bathroom right across the hall, put the specimen in the silver door in the wall, you can’t miss it. Come back here and take off your pants and underwear. There’s a gown you can use to drape over you. The doctor will be in shortly.”

  She turns, her blond ponytail swishing, and disappears down the hall.

  I give Xander a look. “I have to pee again? Seriously? We’ve already done two of these at home.”

  He shrugs. “I guess it’s procedure. How would I know?”

  I sigh and head across the hall to pee in the cup. I finish and set the cup where she told me and wash my hands before going back to the exam room.

  “How long are we going to have to wait?” I ask with a groan. I’m not the most patient person on a good day, let alone when something like this is happening. “This all seems a bit unnecessary. I told them I took two pregnancy tests, and that they were both positive, and they were basically like, ‘oh yeah, you’re pregnant’. So what’s with all this?” I wave my hands around wildly. “Can’t we just get on with it?”

  Xander stands and cups my cheeks. “Breathe, Thea. You’re going to give yourself a panic attack.”

  I cover his hands with mine, and breathe out like he says.

  “My heart is beating so fast. I feel like it’s going to explode out of my chest. Why are they making us wait so long?”

  His lips twitch like he’s fighting not to laugh. “Thea, it’s been like … five minutes since you peed, if that. Give them time.”

  He moves one of his hands to the back of my neck and his other rests by my leg.

  I breathe in and out slowly, mirroring his breaths, and it seems to help.

  After another minute, he sits back in the chair and takes my hand. It helps to touch him in some way. He centers me, like an anchor.

  Doctors’ offices are notoriously the worst for making you wait, so it’s no surprise when a good thirty minutes pass before the door finally opens. I’m about to lose my mind, and Xander knows it.

  Dr. Hawkins steps inside the room with a big grin lighting his bearded face. “Well, kids, looks like we’re having a baby.”

  I was expecting this, and yet the words aren’t any less shocking.

  I look at Xander and he’s smiling happily, clearly pleased that everything is as we thought.

  I think a part of me was hoping the tests were wrong and we were going to come in here and they’d laugh at us and tell us the tests we used must’ve been broken.

  “Why don’t you lie back and we’ll get a look at your baby?”

  If I thought my heart was beating fast before, it’s galloping now.

  I lie back like he asked and prop my legs up. It’s always unnerving being exposed like this, but at least Xander’s here this time.

  “Since you’re probably pretty ea
rly in the pregnancy, according to when you say you missed your period, we’ll have to do a transvaginal sonogram.”

  I look from the doctor to Xander and back again. “That sounds painful.”

  He chuckles. “Nobody’s ever complained too much. You’ll be just fine.”

  He has a penis, so I don’t necessarily believe him.

  I lie back, taking a deep breath, and trying not to freak out too much.

  He pulls out a wand looking thing and my eyes widen.

  “Whoa, no, no, no you’re not coming anywhere near me with that thing.”

  He chuckles, amused by me, but I’m not kidding. “You’re going to be fine,” he assures me.

  I glance at Xander, begging him with my eyes to help me, but he just blinks back at me.

  Husbands are fucking useless.

  The doctor covers the wand thing in what looks like a condom … and I think he adds lube.

  “What the fuck is happening?” I mutter.

  “Relax,” he urges.

  There’s no chance in hell of that. I’m too wired.

  I grab Xander’s hand as the doctor eases the probe inside.

  It’s not that bad, but it does feel weird, and then …

  “Holy fucking shit is that the baby?” I ask, looking at the screen. “It looks like an alien! Or a blob! Is that even human?”

  The doctor chuckles, pressing some buttons. “Yes, that’s your baby. Right there.” He points to the screen at the round bean-looking little shape. “You’re measuring around six weeks pregnant.” He presses a few more buttons and whooshing sound fills the room. “And that is your baby’s heartbeat. Sometimes six weeks is too early to hear it, but the transvaginal probe usually can pick it up.”

  I look over at Xander, my stunned expression mirroring his.

  Tears fill his eyes and slowly spill over.

  “You’re crying?” I ask stupidly, and then I begin to cry too, because holy shit that’s our baby.

  The doctor lets us listen for a moment longer and then takes some more pictures.

  “There’s only one in there, right?” I ask, the idea of twins suddenly occurring to me.

  I can barely handle one baby, let alone two.

  He laughs. “Only one. Looks like you’re going to be due around the end of February. I’d say the twentieth. I’m going to print off some ultrasound photos for you.” He smiles kindly.

  I look over at Xander, and he’s still staring in awe at the little bean on the screen.

  That’s seriously what it looks like—a bean. It’s beyond me how that thing is a baby.

  “When can we find out the gender?” I ask.

  “Usually sometime between sixteen and twenty weeks you’ll have an appointment and if the baby is cooperating the technician will be able to see. If the baby is being stubborn you’ll probably have to come back.”

  Xander chuckles and squeezes my hand. “If the baby is anything like you, it’ll be incredibly stubborn and we won’t know what it is until it comes out.”

  “It better cooperate,” I mumble, looking down at my flat stomach. “I have to know what kind of clothes to buy and how to decorate.”

  Xander laughs, and stands up beside me, brushing his fingers soothingly through my hair.

  “I can’t believe that’s our baby,” I whisper.

  The doctor pulls the probe from me and the image of the baby disappears.

  “I should warn you, that you are still very early in your pregnancy and any number of random things could happen, resulting in miscarriage. Typically we look at twelve weeks as the all clear—something could still happen, but your chances drop significantly.”

  He hands me a stack of ultrasound photos.

  “Those are for you. Do you have any questions for me?”

  “Yeah.” I clear my throat. “How did this happen?” I blush. “Okay, I know how, but … we weren’t trying and I’m on birth control.”

  “Birth control isn’t one-hundred percent and can be affected by any number of things. Were you recently on antibiotics for anything?”

  “Yes … and the timing lines up perfectly.”

  He nods. “Antibiotics are known to counteract birth control. Your physician should have warned you, but …” He shrugs.

  Yeah, but.

  He pats my knee. “You’re going to be fine. You can get dressed and check out—they’ll make your next appointment there.”

  He leaves the room and I’m left alone with Xander.

  “Can I see those?” he asks, holding his hand out for the sonograms.

  I hand them over while I put my pants back on.

  “I can’t believe that’s our baby,” he murmurs. “It’s so small.”

  “It looks like a bean.” I peek at the photo.

  “But it’s our bean.”

  He touches his finger tenderly to the gray blob. I pause, watching him, with a small smile. While I have my doubts about my ability to be a mom, I have no doubts that Xander will be the best dad ever. This baby is lucky to have him.

  We check out and schedule my next appointment for four weeks.

  Once in the car, he asks, “When are we going to tell people?”

  “I don’t know,” I hedge. “Maybe we should wait until I’m twelve weeks, like the doctor said, something could happen. It’s still early.”

  His brows knit together, clearly not liking this. “So, what? If we lose the baby, we’re supposed to just mourn to ourselves and not share that with people?”

  I shrug. “I was just repeating what he said,” I mumble. “How about the Fourth of July? That’s in three weeks, and everyone will be together in one place, so maybe we can come up with some fun way to announce it.”

  He nods. “Three weeks feels like forever, but I can live with that.”

  “My brother is going to kill you when he finds out,” I warn.

  He shakes his head. “He’ll be fine.”

  “Ten bucks says he at least tries to hit you,” I challenge with a smirk.

  “You’re on,” he agrees.

  “I’m hungry—can we stop somewhere?”

  “Sure, what do you want?”

  “Um …” I bite my lip, thinking. “Ooh, Italian.”

  “There’s that place you love close to here,” he suggests.

  “Dominic’s? Yes, let’s go there!” I bounce in my seat, giddy at the thought of food. I could barely eat any breakfast, so I’m starving.

  Xander turns off the highway and drives down the road then into the parking lot for Dominic’s. It’s packed and it takes him a minute of driving around to find an empty spot. When he finally does I barely wait for him to put the truck in park before I’m hopping out.

  Food.

  We head inside and the hostess takes us to a booth in the back.

  I don’t even look at the menu, since I know what I want.

  When our waiter comes, I order a Sprite and Xander orders a water.

  Xander continues to peruse the menu. He finally makes up his mind and lays the menu on the end of the table.

  Our waiter returns with our drinks, complimentary bread, and takes our meal order.

  I dig into the bread. “Oh, God,” I moan. “That’s delicious.”

  Xander’s brow raises in amusement, his lips quirking. “That good, huh?”

  “So good.” I dip it in marinara sauce and take another bite.

  He slides the whole breadstick basket over to me.

  “Smart man,” I remark, grabbing another breadstick.

  I wouldn’t normally be such a pig, but it’s almost one and I’ve only eaten a couple of crackers today.

  I finish the second breadstick and push the basket back to him. “Hide them from me,” I plead with him.

  He chuckles and takes the basket, placing it on the booth beside him.

  “So,” I start, sipping at my Sprite, “I guess we have a lot to talk about.”

  He sits back in the booth, stretching one of his arms along the back of it. The gesture stret
ches his ash gray t-shirt tight across his chest. I might drool a little bit, but damn the boy looks good.

  “Things are going to change, that’s for sure,” he agrees.

  “Prue’s going to be a big sister,” I joke. I play with my straw wrapper. “I guess it’s a good thing we got the house and not a condo.”

  He smiles. “True. It wouldn’t have been fun to have to move again.”

  “How are we going to tell everybody?” I ask, tapping my fingers against the table.

  He shrugs. “I don’t know. We’ll figure something out.”

  “Your mom is going to freak.”

  He grins. “Oh, yeah,” he agrees. “She’ll probably try to move in.”

  I laugh. “That honestly wouldn’t surprise me.”

  Sarah, Xander’s mom, has been dropping hints for the last few months that she wants grandchildren. I was adamant in telling her that we wanted to wait a couple of years, so I could get established with a job. So this will be welcome news to her.

  Our waiter brings our food to the table and I inhale the heavenly scent of the Alfredo sauce.

  I dig in and it tastes as good as it smells.

  Three bites in and disaster hits.

  “Oh, no.” I shoot out of the booth, running for the bathroom.

  “Thea?” Xander calls after me.

  The swinging door to the bathroom swishes closed behind me and I run for a stall, dropping to my knees. Normally I’d be freaking out about how unsanitary this is, but all I care about is making it to the toilet and not throwing up all over myself.

  I empty the contents of my stomach, my body heaving.

  The door to the bathroom swishes open. “Thea? Are you okay?”

  A moment later Xander’s there, gathering my hair away from my face and rubbing my back. He’s been there every time I’ve gotten sick, refusing to let me be alone, even though I hate him seeing me like this.

  I finish and sit back, looking up at him. I’m sure my mascara is streaked across my cheeks by now.

  “Whoever called it morning sickness is a fucking liar. It’s all day sickness and they know it. They lie to you, because otherwise no one would ever want to have a baby,” I defend.

  Xander chuckles and holds out his hands to help me up.

  I take them, leaning against him. I feel exhausted. “Can you ask them to bag our food? Maybe I can eat it later, if I’m lucky. I just want to go home now.”