Broken Hearts (Light in the Dark Book 5) Read online

  © Copyright 2017 Micalea Smeltzer

  All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

  Cover Design and Photo © Regina Wamba of Mae I Design and Photography

  Cover models Libby Yost and Alex Nelson

  Edited and Formatted by Wendi Temporado of Ready, Set, Edit

  After everything we’ve been through, I thought we could weather any storm.

  But this is one thing neither of us ever saw coming.

  Jace and Nova have learned to roll with the punches—they’ve had to. The last few years have been bliss-filled and better than they imagined, but they’re ready to take the next step.

  The problem?

  Life apparently has other plans.

  Sometimes you have to fight for what you want, and for Jace and Nova they’ll have to battle this war together or lose it all in the process.

  Nova

  “Confession: I want to have a baby.”

  I stare at Jace, trying to formulate a response, but all I have is, “What the fuck?” I don’t say it out loud. Instead, I blink at him like he’s grown another head.

  It isn’t the first time he’s brought this up, so I shouldn’t be shocked.

  The first time was months ago, just after our friends Xander and Thea brought home their baby girl, Xael. Jace held her and looked at me saying, “I’d like to place an order for one of these.”

  We talked about it some then, agreeing we both wanted to have kids, and that was the last time we talked about it. I dismissed it from my mind, pushing it off into the future as something we’d do one day.

  “Like, now?” I finally ask, looking at him across the breakfast table. My plate of scrambled eggs and toast glares up at me, and I suddenly don’t feel like eating.

  He shrugs, sipping at his coffee like we talk about having babies on the daily. “Well, yeah.”

  “But why?” I ask, trying to get inside his head.

  Sometimes, trying to understand Jace is like pulling teeth. He gives me the barest insight into his mind.

  “I don’t know,” he mumbles. “I … I feel ready, don’t you?”

  “You know everyone is going to think we need to get married first.”

  “Fuck what everyone thinks,” he snaps. “Last time I checked, it was you and me in this relationship and no one else. We already agreed we don’t want to get married.”

  “I’m … trying to understand you,” I explain. “A baby is a big deal.”

  “If you don’t want to have a baby now, just say so.” He doesn’t say it angrily, merely resigned.

  I shake my head. “No, that’s not what I’m saying. I’m trying to see why you want to have a baby. Do you really think we’re ready?”

  “When is anyone ready to become a parent?” he counters. “It’s a big fucking deal, I know that. I don’t know … It’s hard to explain.” He looks away.

  “Try. Please,” I beg.

  He sighs. “Any time I’m around Xael or even Greyson,” he says, referring to my son I gave up for adoption when I was sixteen and reconnected with three years ago, “I feel this … sense of longing. Like I want it. I know my dad was shitty and only semi-decent once he was dying, but I think I’d be a good dad.”

  My heart clenches. “You’d be a great dad.”

  He grins at me, and his smile lights up all the darkest parts of me. Jace never used to smile, and each one was a rare and precious gift, but now he smiles freely, and it’s the greatest thing I’ve ever witnessed.

  “Just think about it,” he pleads.

  I nod, pushing my eggs around my plate. “I will.”

  I’m only twenty-three, and I’ve only been out of school for a year. I barely have my life figured out. I’m still working at the record store, and Joel and I are trying to start a photography business together—as soon as we can figure out a practical way to make a business out of our art. Both of us are alike in that we don’t want to photograph weddings or stuff like that. We prefer to be more creative. But making a business out of it … It’s not easy, and for the last year it’s seemed impossible.

  I manage to force some of the food into my belly, but I barely taste it.

  What Jace confessed plays in a loop through my brain.

  A baby?

  My gut reaction is to think he’s absolutely lost his mind. We’re young, we have plenty of time to think about having kids later, but another part of me thinks maybe it’d be okay.

  I don’t take having a baby lightly, though.

  I had to give up Greyson at sixteen. It sucked and nearly ripped me to shreds. I know Owen and I couldn’t have managed being parents so young and giving him up for adoption was the best thing for him, but it doesn’t mean it was easy.

  I know Jace and I wouldn’t be having a baby to give it up for adoption, it’s a totally different situation, but I can’t help but compare the two.

  I wasn’t ready to have a baby then—but am I ready now?

  I throw away what’s left on my plate and stand to wash it. Jace finishes and comes up behind me. He lays his plate on the counter and wraps his arms around me from behind.

  I sigh and lean against his chest, closing my eyes.

  He presses his lips into my neck. “Think about it, but don’t overthink it.”

  I laugh and turn in his arms so I face him. “How’d you know I was overthinking it?”

  He smiles slowly. “Because I know you, and I could see that hamster wheel in your head turning a mile a minute.” He taps the side of my head.

  I sigh, ducking my head into his chest. “I’m sorry, I can’t help it. This is … big.”

  “It could be life changing,” he agrees. “But I think we’re ready.”

  His confidence in us astounds me. In the past, I felt like I was always the one pushing for more. Jace was never a relationship kind of guy, but one taste of him and I was addicted. I needed more. I needed all of him. I finally got it, something no other woman ever accomplished. Now he’s the one wanting to take the next step. It blows my mind because I never expected it. Well, I mean I knew we wanted kids down the road, but I figured it’d be a couple more years.

  But now he’s planted the seed, and I can’t help but think maybe now is the time.

  Sometimes we wait for things because we’re scared.

  I don’t want to go through life denying myself things because I’m scared.

  That’s not me.

  It’s not us.

  We’re wild and chaotic.

  A storm that can’t be contained.

  I press up on my tiptoes and kiss him softly—he deepens it, of course. Jace is nothing if not a take charge kind of guy, and he will never admit to it, but he’s highly passionate.

  He pulls away with a grin. “Is that your way of saying yes?” He raises a brow, waiting for a reply.

  I study his face—the hard planes of his cheek, his green eyes, full lips, and blond hair—and imagine what our child would look like. Which features it would have of him and me, the bits of personality and traits it might grow up to have.

  I nod, smiling. “Yes.”

  Jace lets out a joyful howl that surprises me. I jump, but he quickly gathers me into his arms and hugs me tight.

  He kisses me again and then smiles at me, his eyes happy. I can’t be anything but excited that I’ve a
greed to this. “We’re going to have a baby.”

  Hearing those words leave his lips does something to me. I rub his stubbled cheek and whisper back, “We’re going to have a baby.”

  A little boy or girl that’s a little bit of the both of us.

  Jace sets me down, kisses me quickly, and then smacks my ass. “You’re going to be late for work,” he warns. I look at my phone lying on the kitchen counter and curse. He’s right.

  I scurry into the bathroom to shower, apply the barest amount of makeup, and change into jeans and a gray t-shirt. I’m lucky that my place of employment is lenient on dress code and we don’t have uniforms. Perks of working in a record shop.

  I grab my bag and say a quick goodbye to Jace who’s already engrossed in writing music.

  I wish so much he’d do something with his music, at least sell his songs if he didn’t want to perform on a grand scale.

  I head to the elevator and down to the main floor and out, turning down the street toward the record store.

  I could drive, but since it’s only a few blocks away I don’t mind the walk. It gives me a chance to think.

  It’s a sunny day, and the sky beats down on me, heating my skin.

  Owen’s coming in this weekend, and I haven’t told Jace yet. I only found out last week myself, but I normally don’t keep things from him. But since he has a distinct hatred for my ex, I avoid bringing him up. It’s not like he’s here to see me. He wants to visit Greyson.

  I contacted him after meeting Greyson, and upon finding out his adoptive parents were so amazingly cool, I wanted Owen to meet our son if he wanted.

  Our parents made us feel like our son was our biggest sin when really he was our greatest gift.

  It still pains me that I didn’t get to be his mother—take care of him as a baby, experience his first steps, his first falls, learning to talk, riding a bike, first day of school.

  I missed it all, but at least I get to be in his life now.

  That counts for something—everything.

  My phone rings and, speak of the devil, Owen’s name flashes across my screen.

  I sigh, not really wanting to talk to him. It’s not like he’s rude or anything, but he’s a reminder of bad times.

  “Hey,” I answer, trying to sound peppier than I feel. “What’s up?”

  He clears his throat before speaking. “My parents want to come in with me and meet Greyson.”

  In the few years that Greyson has been in our lives, neither of our families have made any effort to meet him. In my parents’ defense, it’s not like I really talk to them. Any time I do it ends in anger. I don’t have room in my life for hate so I avoid them.

  “Why would they want to do that?” I snap.

  Owen sighs as if he expected me to react this way. “I guess they want to meet their grandson.”

  “Funny how they didn’t care about that when he was born.” I roll my eyes so sharply I’m surprised they don’t fall out of my head.

  “We were young, Nova,” he reminds me. “They didn’t approve.”

  I snort. “Really? I didn’t realize,” I say sarcastically.

  He sighs again. “Please, don’t make this difficult.”

  I stop dead in the sidewalk and close my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose.

  “Fine,” I mutter through clenched teeth.

  “They want to take us all to dinner while they’re here.”

  I try to repress my gag reflux. The last thing I want to do is have dinner with Owen’s parents. They’re the worst of the worst. “Can Jace come?” I ask. I won’t go if he doesn’t. I know I won’t make it out alive without him.

  “Sure,” he replies.

  “I’ll see you this weekend,” I say and hang up before he can respond.

  I stuff my phone into my pocket and enjoy the rest of the walk in silence.

  I step into the record store, the bell chiming loudly. Brenda, who owns the shop with her husband Paul, comes out of the back, expecting a customer.

  “Oh, hi, Nova,” she greets with a pleasant smile.

  “Hey,” I reply, heading for the back room to clock in and put my bag away.

  “Are you okay?” she asks, following me to the back. “You look upset about something.” Her bangles on her wrist clang together as she waves her hand while she speaks. Brenda can’t speak unless her hands are moving.

  “Just peachy,” I reply, stuffing my bag in my locker and shutting it.

  She smiles like a kind mother looking after her child. “Now I know you’re upset.”

  I sigh, turning back to her and gathering my long, dark hair up into a ponytail. “It’s my stupid ex and his douchebag parents.” I shiver, the thought of having to sit at a table and share a meal making me cringe. “They’re … awful, and they’re going to be here this weekend and I have to have dinner with them. I want to be rid of them. It’s not like Owen and I are together anymore.”

  They forced me to give up my son so Owen’s dad could further his political career. Who does that?

  Brenda’s gray eyebrows rise high up her forehead. “Wow, I can see why you’re upset.”

  I shrug. “It’s really not a big deal.”

  She frowns, giving me a sympathetic look. “Who are you trying to convince? Me or yourself?”

  I mutter under my breath, “Both.”

  I turn away from Brenda and clock in. Turning back with my hands on my hips I say, “If you don’t mind, I’d like to stop talking about this and get to work.”

  “Of course, sweetie.” She moves aside so I can pass her and enter the store.

  I do my best to empty my mind and focus on reorganizing the records. It’s summer vacation time now which means the high school kids like to come in and put everything in the wrong place.

  Today, I welcome the monotony, though, where under normal circumstances I might be cursing under my breath.

  What can I say? I’ve learned a thing or two from Jace.

  When my day ends I fix my hair where little pieces had escaped, grab my bag, and get out of there.

  W.T.F., the restaurant Jace works at, is a block down from the record store, I head there since I know he’s working and I’m starving.

  I breeze through the door and head straight for the bar.

  Jace has his back to me as I slide into a chair. I grin and say in as much of a sexy voice as I can muster, “Hey, hottie, I like your tattoos. Maybe we could sneak a quickie in the bathroom.”

  He whips around with an irritated look and it immediately smooths out when he sees me. He grins and leans his elbows on the bar top.

  “Sorry, I have this really hot girlfriend waiting for me at home.”

  I tsk. “Too bad. We could have a good time.”

  “I guess we’ll never know.”

  Then he leans across the bar and kisses me.

  “I missed you,” I confess.

  His smile grows. “You saw me a few hours ago.”

  “You’re good company.”

  “Just admit it, you only like me for my cock.”

  Let’s face it, I should be used to Jace’s comments by now, but I’m not, so I can’t help the red that immediately blossoms across my cheeks.

  “You suck,” I mutter.

  “Actually, that’s what you do.”

  “Oh, my God, Jace!” I cringe, looking around to see if anyone’s heard.

  He chuckles, amused by my reaction. “You’re the one that brought up a quickie,” he reminds me. “Are you hungry?” he asks, changing the subject.

  “Yeah,” I admit. “Starving.”

  “What do you want?”

  “Surprise me,” I reply.

  He turns to the computer and puts in my order.

  “What do you want to drink?” he questions next.

  “Something strong.”

  His brows rise in surprise. “Bad day at work?”

  I sigh, wringing my fingers together beneath the bar top. “No,” I say softly. “Owen.”

  Like
I knew he would, his lip raises in a snarl and he growls. “What about him?”

  “He’s coming into town this weekend to see Greyson, and his parents are coming too.”

  Jace scrubs his hands down his face. “I really fucking hoped when he moved to New York City we’d see the asshole less, but no, he’s always slinking around.”

  “He wants to see his son,” I defend.

  Jace shakes his head. “You’re fucking oblivious.”

  “What the hell does that means?” I snap.

  The anger melts out of him a little. “He looks at you like you’re the most precious thing to him and he regrets ever letting you go.”

  I scoff, “No, he doesn’t.”

  Jace gives me a small smile. “Trust me, he does.”

  “Well, if that’s the case, I certainly don’t reciprocate his feelings.”

  “I think he hopes if he comes around more often you will.”

  Jace is close enough for me to grab his shirt so that’s exactly what I do, pulling him toward me so our noses touch. “I love you now. He’s in my past.”

  He grins at my words like they mean everything to him. “I know that, Little Star. But he doesn’t.”

  I sigh. “He’ll figure it out eventually.”

  “I disagree. When people are blinded by feelings they only see what they want. It makes it easier.”

  “Why are you always right?” I mutter, letting him go.

  He grins, his green eyes crinkling at the corners. “Because I’m smarter than people give me credit for. You can learn a lot if you pay attention to everything around you.”

  I shake my head and push him away slightly. “Get my drink.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” He salutes me sarcastically.

  He pours me a whiskey on the rocks, and I slurp it down.

  “Another?” he asks.

  I shake my head. “No, you know it makes me wild. I’ll stick to water.”

  “Darn, I was looking forward to your inner she-beast.”

  “You just want me to claw at you like I can’t get close enough.”

  He grins slowly. “You do that anyway.” Then he lowers one eye and winks at me.

  Be still my heart.